Negative emotions such as anxiety and fear have a natural purpose of motivating us to take steps to correct undesirable situations in our lives. But we often experience these emotions even when there is nothing we can realistically do at the moment to fix a situation. In those cases, the following steps can free us from the unhelpful negative emotions and enable us to feel happier.
A. Take care of yourself physically for a healthy brain.
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Exercise.
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Eat well (reduce sugary and processed foods).
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Get enough sleep on a regular schedule.
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Spend time outside in the sunshine every day.
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Avoid caffeine, alcohol, and other drugs that mess with your brain.
B. Take care of yourself spiritually and socially.
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Serve others. Do things to make others feel loved and appreciated, even if just by giving a smile or compliment.
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Be nice. You can’t be happy if you have a habit of criticizing, judging, or insulting others (even jokingly). Judge everything you say against the golden rule. When we hurt others with words, we deny ourselves happiness.
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Be active in church and live a spiritual life; have hope in Christ. Several good studies have shown that active believers are happier than those who are inactive or non-believers.
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Forgive. If someone hurts you, let it go or turn it over to Jesus. Forgiveness takes only one person–you. It doesn’t matter if the other person repents or apologizes; you can forgive them. When you forgive, it frees your mind from the ruminating that makes you unhappy and puts you back in control of your thoughts and feelings. When you are angry at someone, the anger hurts you the most. If you have a hard time forgiving, google “how to forgive.”
C. Take care of yourself mentally.
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Do something relaxing or fun each day. This could include focusing on a new hobby, taking a walk, listening to relaxing music, or learning a new skill.
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Meditate (or other focused activity such as jog, nature walk) 10 minutes to rest your mind from rumination.
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Practice mindfulness. Be present with what you are doing. This means simply noticing the things (sounds, sights, breeze, coolness) around you instead of thinking about anything that isn’t present, and kindly bringing your mind back to the present whenever it wonders.
D. See the good.
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Gratitude. Gift thanks in your prayers for the many good things in your life. List or write about these things in a journal. Notice the good things in your life throughout the day. Acknowledge the good in every situation (glass half full).
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See the best in others. Don’t judge. Form a habit of complimenting instead of criticizing others or questioning their motives or the things they do. When you judge you are focusing on the negative. The negative focus makes you unhappy. If you are feeling sardonic, sarcastic, jaded, or cynical, you are being judgmental. Try charitable, patient, forgiving, understanding, empathetic, or loving instead.
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Avoid social media. It gives an unrealistic image of other people and often focuses on negative things.
E. Finally, give yourself permission to be happy and smile big to make it happen. Young children are happy most of the time, unless they get hurt or are hungry or have some other immediate need. This shows that being happy is our natural state. Unhappy thoughts are like clouds that cover the sunny blue sky of our happiness. This becomes a habit, so that as soon as we see some blue sky, we habitually pull up a distressing thought to cover it up again. Or, whenever we stop thinking about our responsibilities or burdens, we feel guilty that we aren’t. So we start thinking about them again and stay unhappy. If we can break this cycle of thoughts, the clouds disappear, the blue sky appears, and our natural childlike happiness shines through.
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When you notice yourself feeling unhappy, have a quick conversation with yourself that goes something like this — Even though there are many things in my life and in the world to be upset about, there are also many reasons to be happy. If I constantly think about these reasons, I will be constantly happy. But I don’t even need to do that, since happiness is my natural state. I just need to stop dwelling on the unhappy things and let myself be happy. The only reason I need for being happy is that it feels good. Is the worrying and ruminating I am doing right now doing anybody any good or accomplishing anything? If not, I will stop wasting my effort and let these thoughts leave so I can feel the happiness that is naturally in me.
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Then smile a big smile with your eyes as well as your mouth. Since you have given yourself permission to be happy, your mind will take a cue from your smile and let the happiness shine through. Take a minute to notice how good it feels to be happy.
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Steps 1 and 2 should be helpful in most situations unless your mind is really stuck ruminating on some thought. When that is the case, meditate for 5 to 10 minutes (with the help of an app if necessary) or start doing something that requires your focused attention for a few minutes. This will get your brain unstuck. Then repeat steps 1 and 2.